He's Like a Bird

Happy Monday!

Today marks the 10th day since I broke my foot and the 4th day since the last time Luke breastfed.

Yes, that's right...Luke is basically 100% weaned and my emotions have been all over the place about it. Here's the thing: of all my children, Luke was the only one who NEVER had a bottle. We didn't necessarily plan it that way, it just worked out. He loved nursing and I loved nursing and it was the easiest, cheapest option so there was no need to do things differently. At about 6 months, his growth started to plateau and the doctor suggested we supplement after feedings with a little formula or pumped breast milk. The thing is, I didn't HAVE any pumped milk so we tried formula and it went...horribly. After several tries, with him screaming and pushing the bottle away like it was poison, we gave up. But at 9 months it became obvious that I was having supply issues so we got the ok to start him on dairy and we never looked back. He is still iffy about drinking milk from a sippy but he gets 12 oz of (full fat) yogurt a day and has plumped right up.

He was also eating table food like it was his job and was still nursing 6-7 times a day, but was really starting to lose interest in it. During the day he would only eat for a little bit and then pull away because he wanted to get down and play. The only time he would REALLY nurse well was during the night (OF COURSE!) but I knew we needed to cut that off now that his growth was where it should be.

But....that had become our special snuggle time! Weird as it is, and tired as I was, it was literally the ONLY time of day where he would snuggle and it was sweet and precious and I didn't want to let it go. (Cue Elsa)

Then I broke my foot and needed surgery. The instructions were to pump and dump for 24 hours after the surgery and for the entire time while I was taking the prescription narcotics.

I was SURE that the second Luke saw me after we came home from the hospital that he would whine and beg to nurse. And I just knew the night after would be torture because no matter how badly I wanted to go nurse him and comfort him, I just COULDN'T. I was bracing myself for the inevitable.

But you know what??

He was FINE. I mean, totally, completely unaffected. Seriously. That first night he woke up and cried for a bit, then went back to sleep and he has been sleeping blissfully through the night ever since and he never, not once, has even *hinted* at wanting to nurse during the day. Seriously, it's like the whole past 11 months of my life that I sacrificed and nursed through pain and sickness and extreme lack of sleep NEVER EVEN HAPPENED.

He's all, "We're good, Mom! I don't need you for that anymore!"

There is a *tiny* part of me that is sad. Because that breast feeding connection is really, really special and it's something you never get to do again.

But mostly, I am SO happy that he has transitioned so well. I think that is the irony of parenting right there - you give and you sacrifice and you love and you work until the time comes for them to take that next step of independence. And as much as you might wish a little for the days when they were dependent on you, deep down you know that what you really want is for them to move forward successfully without you. You want them to take that first step out of the nest and FLY, not fall.

Parenting is like a long series of "letting go", little by little, until one day they leave the nest for good. So today, I am sneaking in extra snuggles with all my little birdies while they're still in our nest, AND I'm relishing in the newfound freedom that comes with having an infant that is weaned.

(I could leave the house and be gone shopping or getting pedicures or whatever ALL DAY and not have to be back to feed him!)

(Theoretically.)

(If my foot wasn't broken.)

(But it is, so I'll be celebrating my newfound freedom by reading with my foot propped up on the couch.)

(That actually sounds better than a pedicure right now :)

(I'll stop now.)

Have a great day!!

The Broken Foot Reading Guide

YOU GUYS!!

I did it again. If you're a long time reader of this blog than you may remember that five years ago, when Sophia was an infant, I broke my wrist.

Well, I'm at it again, only this time it was my foot, and not only did it break it, I also had to have surgery.

BLERGGGGHHHHHHH!!

In case you're wondering, breaking your wrist is better than breaking your foot. (Of course, breaking no bones at all is preferable, but if you are a hopeless klutz like me, that may not be an option.)

Surgery was yesterday, and it went well, the anesthia and pain meds have not made me loopy, only very, very tired. My parents are near and have been helping by playing chauffeur, watching kids during doctors appointments, cooking meals, etc. They are amazing! Unfortunately, my mom injured her back a few months ago and is banned from lifting Luke so Dave's parents dropped everything and drove all the way out here to stay with us and help for the next week and a half - yes, they are the best in-laws I could ever have hoped for! They have been wonderful and along with Dave, have been working their tails off doing all the stuff I can't. 

I'm still not sure how we will make it work once they leave, but right now I'm just enjoying the chance to rest and put my foot up - quite literally - and doing what I can to recover and prepare for being on my own!

And since I have all this unexpected downtime, I've decided to take the opportunity to do some reading! I put my Amazon Prime account to good use and ordered several books I've had on my wish list for awhile. So here's what's on my Recovering From a Broken Foot Surgery reading list. Maybe you'll find something for your own list, too (although I don't recommend breaking a bone to make time for it :)

1) Own Your Life by Sally Clarkson

Of course you all know how much I adore a good Sally book. She has decades of wisdom from raising and homeschooling four children. Her vision for living a big picture kind of life with eternity in view is constantly inspiring me. I'm only a couple of chapters in to this one, but it promises to be as good as her others!

2) Women of the Word:How to Study the Bible with Both Our Hearts and Our Minds by Jen Wilkin

I can't say enough about this book! Every Christian woman (and dare I say, even the men?) should read it! Jen is a member of Matt Chandler's church in Dallas, TX (a pastor whose sermons both Dave and I have been tremendously impacted by), and is a gifted teacher of the Word. Here's an excerpt from the first chapter to whet your appetite:

(Speaking of Moses and the burning bush) "Moses asks the wrong questions: Who am I? What should I do? Rather than answer him, 'Moses, you are my chosen servant. You are my precious creation, a gifted and wise leader,' God responds by completely removing Moses from the subject of the discussion and inserting himself. He answers Moses's self focused question of 'Who am I?' with the only answer that matters: I AM."

We are like Moses. The Bible is our burning bush - a faithful declaration of the presence and holiness of God. We ask it to tell us about ourselves, and all the while it is telling us about "I AM."

...The Bible does tell us who we are and what we should do, but it does so through the lens of who God is...In fact, there can be no true knowledge of self apart from the knowledge of God."

And finally,

"We come to understand who God is, and we are changed - our affections detach from lesser things and attach to him. If we want to feel a deeper love for God, we must learn to see him more clearly for who he is. If we want to feel deeply about God, we must learn to think deeply about God...

We must love God with our minds, allowing our intellect to inform our emotions, rather than the other way around." (emphasis mine)

Aaaahhhh!!! isnt that GOOD stuff??? I'm just going to be a little bit bossy and tell you that you need to read the rest of it ASAP! :)

3) Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

This has been on my list to read for YEARS!! I know that no book can give us all the right answers for our parenting, but I want to immerse myself as much as possible in quality, grace saturated, gospel focused books that take me back to God's Word and remind me of what my focus and intentions in parenting ought to be. I'm hoping this book fits those qualifications! But, disclaimer, I have not even started it so I can't make any recommendations yet. I'll let you know what I think when I'm finished! (Assuming you are interested in my opinion? :)

4) Housewife Theologian: How the Gospel Interrupts the Ordinary by Aimee Byrd

This is new on my list but comes as a recommendation from Nancy Guthrie, an author of several Bible studies that I highly recommend. From the description:

This book is for women—for all women who want to explore beneath the superficial and get to know God, and themselves, better.

While striving to find meaning amid the mundane and ordinary, many women find themselves swallowed up by culture's expectations, trying to escape the labels that trap and define them. But Aimee Byrd is determined to reclaim terms like housewife, which have divided many women, to unite them instead in their common calling.

What is this calling, and how can women rise above what the world offers? By taking back another term—theologian—and knowing God intimately. Aimee will help you evaluate your Christian life and see your world from a different perspective.

Again, haven't started it and I know very little about the author but I'm looking forward to diving in and seeing what she has to say!

5) Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in Your Home by Gloria Furman

Perhaps you are noticing a trend of Gospel + Home + Parenting here? :)

I read an excellent book last year by Gloria Furman (Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full) and SO enjoyed the nuggets of wisdom she had to offer. I am looking forward to reading this one as well!

6) In This House We Will Giggle by Courtney DeFoe

I don't know about you, but the longer I'm a mom, the more I realize how profoundly my attitude impacts the tone of my home. Mom being grumpy/cranky/moody = often equals a grumpy/cranky/moody and generally unpleasant atmosphere. I am so excited to read her take on how to lighten up the atmosphere of my home while teaching my children virtue!

What do indoor picnics and funny face contests have to do with loving Jesus?
More than you realize!
 
As a mom in the throes of parenting, Courtney DeFeo believes that instilling virtues in children starts with laughter, not lecture. That perspective propelled her to create this idea-packed book, in which she offers motivating reflections, real-life stories, and a sandbox full of inventive ways to help you turn your kids’ hearts toward God. 
 
Each chapter focuses on one virtue that is key for developing your child’s character. Along with insights into how this virtue plays out in the nitty-gritty of life, Courtney includes a memory verse, activity ideas, and discussion questions to reinforce that virtue throughout the month. Here you’ll find a full year of ways to draw your children closer to God through delightful antics like Family Olympics, One Fancy Feast, and Light ’Em Up.
 
In This House, We Will Giggle shows you how to capture the hearts of your children through fun—so that they experience the goodness of Christ, the joy of following Him, and the difference they can make in the lives of others. (Water balloons not included!)

So there you have it! That's the stack of books that are keeping me and my sore foot company for the next few weeks. Do you have any I should add?

Why Being A Mom Is Worth It

Last year I went with some friends to watch the movie Mom's Night Out - if you're a mama then you might be familiar with it. It was adorably funny and relatable. At the time, I was hugely pregnant and swollen, wondering how on earth I was going to keep our home from descending into total chaos after we brought our third child home from the hospital.

(Spoiler alert: I didn't. Barely/not-at-all controlled chaos has been the name of the game for the past ten months or so. The infant stage is tough, y'all.)

My favorite part was when the husband comes home from his business trip and follows a trail of chocolate wrappers to the closet where he finds his wife, hiding from the messy house and having a mini nervous breakdown. If you haven't hit a low like that in your mothering career already...your day is probably coming ;) Later on, Dave and I rented the movie to watch together - mostly because I wanted to show him proof that I'm not crazy - or at least only as crazy as the average mom.

He liked it and we laughed but at the end he said, "Man, that really makes being a mom sound horrible."

And I stopped, because I realized he was right.

Now, let me be clear, I don't think it's wrong to admit that being a mom is hard sometimes and I don't think it's necessary to pretend like we always love every second or  that our kids fart rainbows and we flit magically through life with nary a problem. In fact, it can be super, super encouraging to hear another mom admit that they so do not have it all figured out. 

Sometimes we need to be able to have a good cry with our husband or friends and just get it off our chests that this mothering gig can be rough, and for Pete's sake, we need to be able to laugh at our troubles because it's good for the soul and reminds us that the world will not end because our child wrote her name on her bed in black permanent marker and the baby pooped in the tub and nobody took a nap and there is yogurt on the ceiling for some inexplicable reason. Laughter says, "Guess what soldier, YOU SURVIVED. And everyone in your house is still alive and breathing and the world will go on turning whether you ever get the yogurt cleaned off the ceiling or not. It's going to be ok."

But.

But.

Too often I expertly communicate in great detail all of the bad things without really doing any justice to the awesome things. Usually I throw out some pithy statement,

"Oh, but it's sooo worth it!"

Well, yes, it is. But why?

Because last night when Luke was up every few hours fussing with a nose so plugged up he couldn't nurse, I sat and rocked him and he snuggled on my chest and he kept taking his impossibly soft little face and giving me kisses until I thought my heart would melt right into a puddle on the floor. Because I am his mama and he needed me and in his little baby way he was telling me, "I'm so glad you're here, Mommy, because I don't feel good and you help make it better."

It's that moment when the doctor lays your screaming newborn on your chest and you say her name and she instantly stops crying because she knows your voice and instinctively feels, "This is my mama and she will make it all better."

It's that moment when your six year old tells you about a friend who hurt her feelings and she's trying to be brave and hold back her tears until you take her in your arms and she sobs because this is her mama, and she will make it feel better.

It's that moment when your four year old has a nightmare and cries out for you because you are her mama and you will help make it better.

It's their chubby hand in yours, the easy way they forgive you when you've wronged them, the way they are always happy to see you.

The way they bounce and chatter and share every moment of their day with you, because you are that person to them, the one whose opinion matters above all else, the one whose encouragement can help pick them up again and whose disapproval can crush them.

It's the way they giggle and sing and dance with abandon and remind you not to take life so seriously.

It's the way their eyes light up when you come into the room, or they catch your eye on stage. The way they run and jump and hug you with all the strength they can muster when you return from being gone.

It's the way they remind me that life is not meant to be lived only for myself.

Jesus, while he was on earth, did not come as the political king his followers were looking for, but as the servant king.

In those last moments before his death he wasn't walking around demanding to be pampered and hoping people would feel sorry for him, he was washing feet. 

When I am up all night with a crying baby and I feel as though I will never sleep again...that's foot washing.

When I'm cleaning puke out of sheets and stroking feverish heads...that's foot washing.

When I'm reading Goodnight, Moon for the five trillionth time instead of vegging in front of the TV or reading a grown up story...that's foot washing.

When I'm sacrificing my comfort and my desires for the sake of my children, I am being the hands and feet of Jesus.

The truth is, someday my children won't be so dependent on me. And I hope that when that day comes I will not take all my free time and turn it inward. I pray that my sunset years will find me still working, still serving, still sacrificing my free time for the sake of others, still washing feet.

If I spend my life constructing a sand castle kingdom of self, in the end when the tide comes it will wash away and all I will be left with is myself. Selfishness promises satisfaction and brings emptiness. He promises life - abundant life. 

I'm so grateful for these little faces He gave me that have helped me see that - glimpses of His grace. My love for them is but a mere echo of His love for me.

Yes, being a mom is hard, but it is way more amazing than it is hard. And it IS worth it, because He is worth it. Press on, Mama, you are doing kingdom work!